My Adventure in the Caribbean
by JessieRose
Summary: Mary Sue tells the story of her adventure in the Caribbean...but is she enough of a Mary Sue to be accepted? complete and not to be taken seriously
1. Welcome Mary Sue

A/N OKAY!! IMPORTANT NOTICE ~ this is not to be taken seriously!! Notice the genre of PARODY!! Also note that I am not offending anyone who writes Mary Sue fics, I probably write them my self. . .but this is the way my muses swing, savvy? I might not keep it up for long!!  
  
Disclaimer ~ I don't own Mary Sue ~ sadly she belongs to herself (poor child!!) I mean if I owned her. . .I could seriously help her. . .maybe give her a bit of a history, a personality? But sadly no. . .she is her own girl (unfortunately) and please review as it will make her happy for a few moments. . .until she's harshly brought back to the Mary Sue hating world of fanfiction.net.  
  
My Adventure in the Caribbean (Where's the Caribbean?)  
  
Hello, and welcome to my lair. My name is Mary Sue Crystal Tequila Opal Pearl. How are you? I'm fine thanks, now you ask. A strange thing happened one morning, I was just thinking what an awful life I have when whoosh. . .I was in the Caribbean.  
  
I instantly knew it was the Caribbean even though I have never been here before because of all the pine trees, and ships, and water. Another big give away was the 'Welcome to the Caribbean' sign.  
  
Did I mention I have blond hair, with the most dazzling blue eyes, and charming smile? Every man falls instantly in love with me. . .makes you wonder why I was having such an awful life in the first place really doesn't it.  
  
Now where was I? Hmmm. . .I was in the Caribbean. . .did I mention I'm super clever?  
  
So anyway I just went into this pub, I don't normally drink, I mean I don't want you running away with the idea that I'm a booze hound, honestly I've never touched a drop. It was fate that took me into the pub that day, not my thirst, or the gorgeous rich man that went in before me. It was fate. Honestly. So I went in and sat down on the grubby bar stool, did I mention it was grubby? Well it was. The pubs I went in back in England. . .not that I went in any. . .  
  
So I was sitting their quietly drinking my water, which tasted like it had been drunk many times before I had been given it, when the door to the tavern squeaked open. Notice how I changed the word pub to tavern, it makes my story more interesting.  
  
So standing in the doorway was a pirate. Next to the pirate stood a grubby old blacksmith, did I mention he was grubby? He looked especially dirty next to the handsome pirate. I later learnt his name was Captain jack Sparrow, he had black dreadlocks, and erm. . .beads and stuff. . .and gold teeth. Our eyes met, and true love blossomed in our hearts. I knew we were meant to be together. It was fate, did I mention it was fate?  
  
So the blacksmith and the pirate walked to the bar and got a drink. The pirate came up behind me.  
  
"Okay love?"  
  
The fact that I was wearing jeans, and an eminem T-shirt (back in England I'm a cool chick!) seemed to escape his notice.  
  
I nodded, unable to say anything, I couldn't get the words out as my heart pounded in my chest.  
  
He walked past me, the grubby little blacksmith followed, and they sat down together. After about half an hour, he got up, and walked over to my seat.  
  
"How would you like to join my crew?"  
  
"Really?"  
  
He nodded. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, by the way. You may remember me from other swashbuckling adventure films such as Pirates of the Caribbean: the curse of the Black Pearl and Pirates of the Caribbean: the sucky sequel that drowned in sea ol' hop."  
  
"I haven't seen either if those films." Jack looked shocked. "Are you sure you're a Mary Sue?" His raised eyebrows give him a scary look.  
  
"Well. . ." I stutter.  
  
"'Cause I only take Mary Sues on my ship. . ."  
  
"What about Gibbs?"  
  
"Exactly my point, how'd you know bout Gibbs if you haven't seen the film?"  
  
"It was in the trailer." I murmured.  
  
He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. The dorky blacksmith stood behind him, shouting into his mobile phone, something like 'I'll be back soon, sugar plum fairy'.  
  
"Here's two shillings, go home, rent the films, and come back when you've seen 'em, an' you're a proper Mary Sue, savvy?"  
  
I took the shillings, and walked dejectedly from the pub. As I walked through the swinging tavern doors, I was transported back in time, to the future. (should that be forward in time?). Did I mention I went forward in time?  
  
When I got home, (blimey it was quicker then Concorde!!) I walked to the video shop. . .I went in and spent about ten minutes browsing the shelves, but came out empty handed. Instead I went next door, and spent my two shillings. They really shouldn't put a pub next to a video shop. Wait a sec. . .I don't drink! 


	2. Not Another Sue

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A/N Okay, so I wasn't going to continue with this. . .But I couldn't resist. My muse kicked me into action. This may or may not be the last chapter, depending on my reviews (and my bad tempered muse!!) 

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This is not meant to offend anyone, I have read some real good fics in this category! So please don't flame!! 

Chapter Two – Not Another Sue. 

Yes, hello, my name is Mary Sue, though I prefer to be called just Sue. (Of no relation to the former Sue, I'm sure). Nope, I'm. . .I'm. . .Mary Sue Turner. And I have a long lost brother called Will. We were separated at birth for some reason. Don't ask why, 'cause I'm not entirely sure, the author never told me.

I have had an ever so awful childhood, my mother is dead, and my father is swimming with the fishes. My father was a fantastic pirate who roomed the six seas in his amazing ship thing! Before he was killed. . .I want to be a pirate!

So that was my life right up 'til the point when I walked straight into my long lost brother. I mean fancy that, there I was just strolling around outside the blacksmith's in Port Royal, and who should walk out but Will. 

I've never met him before, but I knew instantly that he was my brother, I don't know why it must be the amazing link that exists between us. And the first thing he told me was the story of Captain Jack Sparrow. 

"And Captain Jack Sparrow arrived in Port Royal, saved Elizabeth (who incidentally is my sister-in-law!!), got caught, and thrown in jail. Elizabeth got kidnapped 'cause of her pretty necklace which she stole of me years ago, but I still loved her 'cause she was so pretty, so I helped Jack escape and together we went to save her. Fought nasty undead, cursed pirate things, slit our hands, broke curse, and lived happily ever after!" 

"Oh what a beautiful fairy tale!" I exclaimed, in animation. I just knew Elizabeth and I were going to be friends, we were the same size which meant we could share clothes and the same sex which meant we could talk about boys! 

Oh I haven't told you what I look like. Well, I have red, fiery hair (which is strange 'cause Will has brown!) blue topaz eyes (strictly topaz, no other gem!) and oh my mind's gone blank. . .oh well. . .I'm sure it will come back.

So anyway I moved into the Swann household, me a complete stranger and they let me move in! How kind. I was sitting down to dinner in my beautiful Gucci dress, and matching shoes when the servant barged into the room. I simply abhorred the customs at this unmannered house. Liz was positively kind to these creatures who were supposed to be serving us. I made a mental note to chide her on it later. 

But the news the servant brought with her changed my mind completely. 

She bobbed her head slightly. "Miss, there be a man at the door."

"Pray who is it, Fanny?" She asked.

Will made to get up, but she reached out and grabbed his hand. 

"I'll go!" 

"He asked for Mrs Turner. . ." Fanny began. 

I glared at her. "I'll go." I repeated. I followed her from the neat dining room and out into the hall. Standing by the door was the most handsome looking man I had ever seen. 

"I'm Mary Sue Turner." I said, holding out my hand. 

He smiled. "Captain Jack Sparrow."

Even his name was music to my young ears. "What is your purpose here?" I asked.

"Are you some relation to Will?"

"I'm his long lost sister, silly." I laughed. "Fancy us not knowing about each other, and I merely chanced into Port Royal by the merest of whims. Now shall we?"

"Shall we. . ."

"Oh I should have thought that was obvious Captain Sparrow. You see I have always wanted to become a pirate, and I can't stand living with them. Don't get me wrong it's great to find I have a brother, but Liz, she's so annoying, always going on about shoes and boys!" I complained, grasping his arm. 

"And. . ."

"I want to run away to the Black Pearl with you, and become a pirate."

He raised his eyebrows at me. 

"Please?" I asked, with my puppy dog eyes. 

"Have you ever been on a ship before?" He asked.

I nodded. "Once."

"Good enough. Let's go." We started to walk off when he turned back. "Aren't you going to say goodbye to your brother?" 

I shook my head. "Nah, I can't be bothered. . ." I tried to pull him along but he refused to move.

"But wait a second, you're a Mary Sue." 

"And. . ." It was my turn to question. 

"Well, Mary Sues are supposed to be clingy and emotionally deprived. You're supposed to be really hurt at leaving your brother. Sorry luv, you ain't the Sue I thought you were." And with a single pat on my shoulder he walked off leaving me at the gates to the Manor. 

"Piss off then!" I shouted after him.

He turned back, looking confused. "Do Mary Sues swear?" 

I retorted. "A Mary Sue can do anything!" 


	3. The Mary Sue Returns

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A/N Last chapter of 'My Adventure in the Caribbean', once again this is not meant to offend any one, any names, plotlines, or situations similar to others story lines are perfectly coincidental. (I've always wanted to say that!!) He he!! Anyway remember don't be offended, but DO review, savvy. Reviews are used to burn Mary Sue, flames help her grow! LOL! 

Chapter Three ~ The Mary Sue Returns 

My name is Mary Sue Sparrow. *shock horror gasp* and I'm Jack's daughter. My mother is either some rich poncy woman who ran away from an arranged marriage, some fifteen year old who popped into the Caribbean through the amazing transport system of time travel (much quicker then them bloody buses), Annamaria, or some whore from Tortuga. He's not sure. 

Anyway, I live on the Black Pearl and can fight, fight, fight, better then he can. I can stir the ship, wield a sword and drink ten times as much rum as any self respecting pirate, and I'm only like sixteen years old. Good, eh? 

Jack has thousands of more children somewhere, as every single author had the same original idea of giving him kids. I've got about ten dozen sisters called Pearl, Lutra, Opal, Cardboard etc, and brothers, only one or two. . .Jack, Will, or something similar…

Anyway, we were sailing the seas one day when Jack said (I call him Jack even though he is my father, for some odd reason, I suppose it makes me cooler!) "Let's pop over to Port Royal, shall we Mary Sue?"

"Oh, yes please!" I reply. And so we went. 

Once we got to Port Royal (wow! That was quick, my beta reader says it's called 'plot development', in other words missing about ten days of life out of the characters in order to move the story along. . .but this story doesn't have a plot. . .oh now I'm confused!) argh! I haven't finished the sentence. . .oh well. . .let's. . .

"Hello, Liz and Will, I'm Mary Sue Sparrow." I say, with an angelic smile spread across my beautiful face. Oh I haven't told you what I look like, goodness gracious me! I have blond hair, which is braided, blue eyes which flutter like butterflies when I see any member of the opposite sex, and a very thin body considering all I live of is dead rats and weevil flavoured biscuits. 

"Hello Mary Sue." Said Liz, she's not half as pretty as me. Notice how I have randomly changed from the present tense to the past, oh the thrill! 

"Hello Mary Sue!" Notice how Will and Liz are basically the same character just different sexes. 

And that was when it happened. I fell madly in love with the gorgeous William Turner. And I'm pretty sure he loves me too. After all what is there to love about me? Right, I've made up my mind, I am going to marry Will Turner. I'm sure I'll be able to get round that small problem of him being married, and over twice my age. Though Jack hasn't aged at all. 

And then out pops his son. William Junior Junior. And that was when it happened. I fell madly in love with the gorgeous William Turner. And I'm pretty sure he loves me too. After all what is there to love about me? Right, I've made up my mind, I am going to marry Will Turner. I'm sure I'll be able to get round the problem of me being married to his father. 

Two months later, I arrive back in Port Royal, early in the morning. "Hello Will." I smiled.

He just looks at me disgusted. "You broke up my parents marriage. My mum ran off with your dad, and get herself killed in Tortuga, and you run away with my dad, leaving me alone in this scary house!" He scowls. 

"Oh please Will!" I begged. "I have decided your father is not right for me, and Jack has returned to Annamaria now. All is as it should be. We're supposed to get together anyway. Dozens of fanfiction.net authors say so."

"Then it must be true!" He gasps. "But you're simply too beautiful how will I know you will stay faithful to me?" He demanded. 

"I stayed faithful to your dad didn't I?" 

"Where is he?" He asked, looking round.

"OH, he's dead. I'm terribly sorry about that, he threw himself over the cliff when he found out I was having an affair." 

"But wait a second you just said that you stayed faithful to him!" Will protested. 

I sighed. "I'm a Mary Sue, I don't listen to the rubbish which comes out of my mouth!" 

And with that the two linked arms and walked off into the sunset. Wait a second, didn't Mary Sue say it was morning?! Ah, at last, after three chapters of searching we have found the perfect Mary Sue. 


End file.
